Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
