You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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