My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
