please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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