ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I had to cum in my sink.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
