Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
