Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
