First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
