I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
