We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
All I want is dick and wine.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
