Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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