I never want to see another naked old woman again.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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