just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
