hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
lets start a swedish sibling band together
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
