ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
