There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
