That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
