dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
