He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
