She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
