Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
