You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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