You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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