My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
