wrigley field is MILF paradise
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
