she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
