Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
