Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
