I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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