Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you traded sex for a burrito?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
