Apparently you make a good broom.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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