Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
