I heard we made out
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
