That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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