about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
