i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think your dad took our porno
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
