yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my being single is dangerous.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
