I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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