you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
