you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
