life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Do you remember whose house we're in?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
