Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
