Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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