Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
