i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
