i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
