I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
