david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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