i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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