My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
