Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
