Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
